3/29: It’s Date Night! Got Your Bonnet?

Schiaparelli

(Image found at chottocoquette.blogspot.com.)

All right, these suggestions for a date this weekend will be bonnet-free, because if you’re lucky enough to own a bonnet, I expect you to don it whenever you damn well please.

Dinner and a Movie
Easter Parade is fun, but pretty obvious. The Ten Commandments is much more fun and slightly less obvious unless you remember that they always show it on Easter weekend. I remember seeing this with my parents and little brother in a rerelease; not sure how old I was, 6th? 7th grade? I thought it was THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE. I talked about it for absolutely days. I think it was the first time I realized I wanted to have something to do with movies for my living.

The howls commence early in this one, because it’s Cecil B. DeMille and the word “subtle” is not in his dictionary. “OVER THE TOP” in all caps is, however, on Page One. Who cares that it doesn’t begin with A? Pedestrian! Ann Baxter is so awesome in this movie. Watch this with your loved one, and whoever has the deeper voice must commit to memory her best lines to croon to the s.o. whenever you wish to convey mock frustration. I bonded with a friend over “Moses, Moses, you splendid, stubborn, adorable fool!” which she likes to coo to her hub on occasion.

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But of course, if you’re more the snarly type, you can no doubt master Edward G. Robinson’s “I give you a god of gold! See?”

ten commandments

This is of course perfect with a mezze (that’s the middle eastern version of a smorgasbord) including hummus, tabbouleh, falafel, olives, and tomato cucumber salad, and baklava for dessert. Not because that constitutes authentic Egyptian cuisine, but because a) all that stuff is yummy, b) you may be stuck cooking or eating some big heavy meal on Easter day, or you may have just done a big old Seder and you’re not in the mood for getting near a stove. If costumes are your thing, wear some kohl, though I wouldn’t advise the authentic Egyptian custom of lodging a cone of scented wax in your hair that dissolves as the night goes on because the fact that this fad has gone the way of the Pet Rock is an outstanding example of progress. However, beg to differ if you must.

I do understand that the whole Bible thing may squick you out, or that anachronisms may cause you fits of high dudgeon, or if you’re still mad at Charleton Heston for being a real dick about guns. In any of those cases, this is a really wonderful list of more unorthodox Easter movie choices from the delightful Movie Gamut blog. The blogger focuses on movies featuring rabbits, a really great idea that I wouldn’t have even thought of, being all church-minded, and, as you may have guessed, slightly obssessed with Ann Baxter, who doesn’t appear in any bunny movies. Alas.

Art Projects
This season brings some pretty awesome craftiness to mind. First, get inspired over at Flavorwire by these jaw-dropping Easter eggs riffing off of Leichtenstein, Van Gogh and others.

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Easter egg dying is fun and messy, though of course then you have to deal with about 6 months of hard-boiled eggs in your fridge, and there’s only so many of those you can eat, unless you know a Paul Newman wannabe.

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Making Easter baskets for someone you love is also pretty high on the festive scale. Put one together for your s.o., then either hide the stuff all over the house or do a treasure hunt with a bunch of clever clues that lead to the basket. I think the best treasure hunts end up in bed. It’s like when you say “in bed” at the end of the fortune in your cookie. It just makes it better. Try it. “An auspicious occasion awaits you….In Bed!” Told ya. Martha Stewart has some gorgeous baskets if you’re all proper and think living in Connecticut would be an awesome thing to do someday. SheKnows has some good filler ideas, if you can get past the disturbing picture of the drunk guy in the bunny suit that was chosen to kick off the article for some mystifying reason. But look, you know your s.o. Just put in a bunch of his or her favorite stuff. Everybody likes being a kid again.

And speaking of rampant immaturity: Peeps! This Washington Post piece can be your go-to. Many of these are more disturbing than that drunk rabbit mentioned above. Still…Peeps Pope!! If this doesn’t inspire you to do a Sistine Chapel ceiling made of neon marshmallow chickens, well—that’s probably just as well.

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One of my favorite communications ever came from a friend: “I burn Peeps. Please help me.” Why, dear friend, you are mistaken. ‘Tis you who have helped me…as I can only hope that I have helped all of you, my…peeps! In bed! Well, not the same bed. But that does bring me back to the whole point of the date night columns, to help you remember that a date with an agenda other than getting laid is much more likely to get you laid. Thus it is written, thus let it be done!! In bed!

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